Spill the Smut
Where the books are spicy, the conversations are juicy, and the stories rarely fade to black. Each week, I dive headfirst into the delicious world of smut with the people who live and breathe it—authors, creators, and bookish babes who aren’t afraid to spill all the steamy tea. Through interviews and unfiltered chats, I'll explore everything from fan-favorites to behind-the-scenes secrets of the bookish world. This is your weekly escape into the world of steam, swoon and unapologetically bookish.
So get comfy. Pour a drink. And get ready to spill the smut.
Spill the Smut
From Bookstagram To Full-Time Author Assistant with Erin (@sinfulsheves)
What does it really take to keep an author’s world running? We sit down with Erin—aka @SinfulShelves—to unpack the real work of an author PA: building Airtable databases packed with character details and settings, pulling market-ready quotes and hooks, managing launches, and keeping creative teams moving. Erin’s approach blends meticulous systems with real empathy, showing how collaboration beats lone-wolf myths and why the right boundaries can actually improve results.
The conversation travels from Bookstagram beginnings to a full-time career, where late-night deep work powers newsletters, graphics, and content libraries. Erin explains how she blocks time, schedules client updates, and balances alpha, beta, and ARC reads with a packed calendar. She also shares the hard-won lessons behind sustainable pricing, capacity, and choosing clients who value people over pace.
We also dive into Erin’s mental health journey, including years of misdiagnosis before an ADHD combined-type evaluation changed the trajectory of her life and work. Her openness about therapy, medication, and self-advocacy offers a clear path forward for listeners navigating similar terrain. Then she brings the same candor to chronic illness: living and handling flares, and adjusting workloads without losing momentum.
If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who loves behind-the-scenes craft, and leave a quick review to help more listeners find us.
Follow Erin on IG: @sinfulshelves
Cover Art by: moi
Intro/Outro Music: positive vibes by nanaacom on Capcut
Contact Email: spillthesmutpodcast@gmail.com
Podcast IG: @spillthesmutpodcast TT: @spillthesmutpodcast
Jordan IG: @sipsoffiction TT: @sipsoffiction
You may recognize her from her handle, info shelves, or for her endless supply of the perfect spicy book recs that you need to add to your add to your TBR. She's a powerhouse behind the scenes, working as a PA and a media manager for authors. Any authors listening, you can find her author services linked in her bio. She's also an advocate for mental health, sharing her story with such honesty and courage. Please welcome to the podcast, Erin.
Erin:Hi, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited.
Jordan:I'm so excited you're here. I know, like, to be completely honest, I was like writing up your message, like the message to send to you. And I was like so scared. I don't know like why, but like I wanted you to say yes, but I also was like, what if she says no?
Erin:Oh my gosh, no. Are you kidding? I feel like we've been mutuals for ages. I was so honored when you reached out. I was like, of all people, she chose me. That's crazy. So I'm very grateful. I really I am.
Jordan:I am very grateful. Um, okay, so to dive on, well, actually, before we dive on in, I do like to start off each episode with what the highlight of your week so far is. So, what is the highlight of your week so far?
Erin:I feel like my work highlight of the week is that I started working with a couple of new clients. So I'm really excited about that. Um, and I just am absolutely in love with their books. It's Bex DeVoe and Ellie Eldridge, and I'm extremely excited to be working with their PA, Meg, um, and just becoming a part of their team. So I'm extremely, extremely happy about that. Um, and I feel like my personal highlight of the week is probably any time I get to spend with my puppy, but I finally got him to drop a ball on command. So that feels huge for a retriever guy. He doesn't want to drop anything. So wait, that's so cute.
Jordan:That's so cute. Um, okay, so I know I had this like laid out set like differently, but I kind of want to dive into you being like an author PA first, just because you mentioned working with like the your new clients' PAs. So do authors typically have multiple PAs, or are you, or is it like this is something different?
Erin:I think it really depends on the author, what they need, kind of like what different aspects of the industry they're diving into, and also it depends on their budget, um, just different things that they can really comfortably have as part of their team at the time. Um, I work on several teams that do have multiple PAs or multiple members. I don't know that all of them would be considered PAs, but at least multiple members of the team. Um but as far as my new clients, their current PA is so, so incredible and has been a friend of mine for a very long time. And she has to take some time off because of a personal matter. So I'm kind of coming in to help and like substitute for her while she's gone. And then whenever she comes back, we'll likely discuss what tasks I'll continue to manage and what tasks she will, and that will help both of us kind of split things up a bit. Um, and then for other clients, like I can't be as present on socials because I do a lot of back end admin work for a lot of my clients. Um so in that case, I usually will say thank you so much to anyone who can especially do Facebook for me. Like if I'm on a team and there's a couple of other people doing Facebook, I'm like, oh my gosh, you're my savior. Thank you so much. Cause it's hard to keep track of those things. So um, team or not, it it just really depends. But either way works great, and I'm grateful to be in any position I'm in with my clients.
Jordan:So oh, wait, that's kind of cool. Like, I didn't realize that PA ing, like you could be on a team. I kind of just thought you were honestly, like, I'm also I know nothing, let's just put it out there. Um, but I kind of thought it was very solo. So, like I thought essentially like you were a PA for an author and like you're their PA, like that's it. Like you, it it's you and only you. And so I think that's kind of cool that you can like share it. And I feel like that has to be like less stressful for you.
Erin:Yes, for sure. I when I first started my PA journey, I also had that same thought process that I'm the only person who works for someone. Now that I have been doing this for a while and I've moved into a couple of team setup type things, I really love it because if something ever happens for me personally with my illness, whatever else, then I have some people where I can be like, hey, I'm not doing so well. Like, can you help me with XYZ task this week? Like, I'll do this for you next week. Or there usually doesn't have to be a trade. Most PAs will help each other out, but still it's nice to have people you can lean on. And it's also nice to kind of let things go in your head whenever you have for me personally, I have ADHD and it feels like I have tabs open all the time. So to be able to kind of close a tab and know someone else is handling it is so helpful.
Jordan:Oh, and so then I kind of want to ask, like, what are some of the things that you focus on, if that's the right word, for like being a PA? Like, what are like the tasks or the items that you do the most for your clients?
Erin:Um, that is a great question, but I think that sometimes it's a little bit hard to answer because every single one of my clients has different needs. Um, some of my clients are more so like, I would love for you to focus on doing a bunch of graphics this week. Some of my other clients are like, can you make me a newsletter or whatever else? Um, so it I think it really depends. Uh, I would say the tasks that I do the most are write newsletters and handle newsletters and then keep track of kind of what we have going on. Um, reminders to do stuff, um social media things, their schedules, those types, I think are pretty common items that I do. But random other stuff is just depends person to person.
Jordan:So then does that mean do you like are you currently taking on more clients, or are you kind of like, no, like this isn't, I'm not taking on anything else?
Erin:I right now I'm not taking on any more clients for any of my services. Um I the only time that I will consider opening it, at least right now, is for content polls. But once I get caught up on that, like I have to get caught up on that first before I can take on more clients because I was building an airtable database for that. So it took me a while. So I'm a bit behind on it. So I have to catch up and then I can offer it to new people.
Jordan:What is a c content pull? What is that?
Erin:Yeah, so everyone has kind of a different idea. I I think like a lot of PAs do it differently, but I think the baseline of it is that you read through an author's book and you pull out quotes or scenes that can be used for marketing purposes, whether that's for graphics or reels or whatever else. And then um a lot of the time, most people will provide like hooks for it. So, how do you market it on TikTok or in reels versus how can you use it in a graphic? Um, for me, like my service isn't just a content poll. I do, I call it my signature service. I'm still trying to figure out what to call it, but I do book databases and content polls. So I pull all of their character data, what they look like, how their voice sounds, what they smell like, all kinds of stuff. Um, I also pull all of their setting data and things like that so that whenever they continue to write, if they're writing in the same universe or if they're writing a legacy series or something along that that line, then they have all of the data to maintain consistency throughout their worlds.
Jordan:Oh my goodness. Wait, that is so cool. But then, so does that mean you're reading their like books to pull this information?
Erin:Yes, I read them to pull the information, but because I've been doing this for so like I've been doing content polls for a while, I've just finally like perfected how I like to do it. Um, even when I read stuff that's not for a content poll, I accidentally pull it anyway. It's kind of like second nature. I just highlight it, I highlight in different colors on Kindle Unlimited so that I know, like, okay, this is for character data, this is for a quote, this is for whatever else. So that's kind of how I do it.
Jordan:Okay, that that's so smart. But I do have to ask, like, what if like an author writes in, like, let's say you're open and you're like doing these content polls and authors can submit their books and things like that. What if you're not liking the book though? Like, what do you do? Do you just like push through it or are you like, I can't do this, or has that not happened?
Erin:For me personally, that has never happened. Um, I think it's because like I'm very big about working with people who I resonate with. So everyone that I consider working with, who I've ever reached out to work with before I learned that cold messaging is not good, but this was a long time ago. But anyone I ever consider working with or whatever else is typically someone I'm already familiar with and have read their work and know that I enjoy it. Or they are someone who I just are friends with my current clients who were referred to me by them. So I know that I'll vibe with them. It's kind of I don't know, it's just really worked out for me. I've really loved all of my client stuff and I've never had an issue. I think that if it were to ever come up, I probably wouldn't say anything. Like I it's still a job at the end of the day, and I want to stay professional and they need the help. And just because something's not the right fit for me doesn't mean it won't be for someone else. So I'm kind of just like, I will pull what I think will work out, and if in the future someone else can find other stuff because they're more familiar with the genre than I am, or something like that, then please like go find them. But I'm so grateful for the opportunity.
Jordan:So you're like so nice. That's like so nice. Cause I feel like I I honestly like I know for myself too. Like, granted, I'm not, it's not a job because I'm not doing any money, but I know there's like books that I've like picked up and I just have to put back down because I can't not read them at all. But I do understand like what you're saying too, is like it's a job. And so does that mean when you're content pulling, do you also make the content or are you just pulling it for the authors and like their team to then okay, like here is everything for you. Like, here is the setting, here's the characters, like here are things you can pull for marketing.
Erin:But you like it depends. Like a lot of the time, my content polls I do for my current clients, and for my current clients, I do everything. So, um, a lot of the time I'll pull it and then I'll end up utilizing my own polls to create content. Um, but if it's like a random content poll where I'm just doing that for them and I'm not like a permanent member of their team, then it doesn't like come with graphics or materials like that. I know that a lot of people do offer that with their polls. I'm not one of them. Um, and the reason why is because mine are as databases. So a lot of polls are just the content themselves, not the full database for the book. Um, so mine is kind of like a trade-off. If you work with me, I'll give you all of this other data. If you want to work with someone else who does graphics, great. Like there's room for all of us to succeed in this industry, and I'm never gonna get my feelings hurt if someone is like, I really want graphics at this. Of course, someone can always ask me, like, hey, if you do my polls, like can you make me some graphics at the same time? And more than likely, I will say yes. Like, okay, I can do that. It's an additional cost, but I can probably do it. But there are other people who have packages like that.
Jordan:Okay, okay, that like makes sense. Can okay, so then can I ask you how many authors you have like currently like on your roster? I don't know.
Erin:Yeah, absolutely. I have seven, I think.
Jordan:Oh my goodness.
Erin:No, I with with Baxton Ellie, um, I will need to recount my client list, but um, yeah, I think it I think right now I'm at seven clients. Um that's why I'm not taking on anything right now. Um, and with my current client list, I'm really trying to grow with them as they grow. And so I don't want to take on too much to where I can't help them because I took on too many things.
Jordan:So yeah, you don't want to spread yourself too thin. And and then on unfortunately, it's like in that those sort of cases, you end up making multiple people unhappy because you can't give your attention also in yourself, but you can't give the attention that you and the author want when you spread yourself too thin.
Erin:And I think too, for me personally, like I feel extreme guilt being behind on anything. And because I all of my clients, I have a great personal relationship as well. Over time, I've really become friends with my clients. I'm very close with them, and I view like I want them to succeed. I genuinely believe in every single person I work with. I have never cared if my client had 20 followers or two million followers, I don't care. If I believe in your story, I believe in it. And so for me, when I take something on, if I'm late, if I'm personally struggling with my illness, which has been the case for the last month, then it really is hard on me. So if I was letting down 10 clients and not seven, that's even more on me. And of course, for them when they don't have what they need. So, and like I said, there are so many people who want to be PAs and who who want clients who struggle to get them. And I am very fortunate to have a full client list. I'm not gonna sit here and take away someone else's opportunity just because I don't know, because of ego to work with someone, whatever. I believe in my clients and I'm so happy to stay with them and I want other people to have the chance to do this.
Jordan:I I feel like that's the like perfect, perfectest, per most perfect, have the I'm not good with grammar, like way of way with thinking, just because I feel like so many things people are like gatekeeping or they don't want certain not I don't want to say certain people, but like they don't want to lose things. So I and I feel like being a PA, and I not that I know everybody, but I feel like the PAs that I've like seen on Bookstagram, they're very you guys are all so helpful to all other PAs. You just want everyone to succeed, and I think that is so cool because I feel like that is not the most case.
Erin:Yeah, yeah, no, I totally get what you're saying, and I think so. For me personally, I would not be able to do this job if I hadn't had a village behind me. And specifically Ray, her handle is at Booked with Ray. She is the reason why I can do this job. She helped me tremendously get my foot in the door to learn new ways of doing stuff. She was the reason I was able to go full-time because she told me more things that I can do to help my clients weight, like programs I can learn, all kinds of things. So other PAs in this industry absolutely can help you do better. And that's something that I know I'm personally grateful for. And I feel like I owe my career to Ray. I love, I love her, I appreciate her. Along with Deborah Kelsey, she was a vital portion of my growth as a PA. Um, so I'm just incredibly grateful. So most PAs are typically so happy to help you. For me, I'm so I have so little energy um because of my illness. So it's hard for me sometimes to answer questions, not because I don't want to help, but because one, I'll forget, or two, I just don't feel well. So I put every ounce of what I have into my clients sometimes. But most of us will take the time if we have the energy and the space to give it, we will give all the advice, all the tips, everything. Um, I also know that if you know who French and Bookish is, her name is Naomi and she is Carissa Broadbent's PA, along with um a few others that I can't remember right now off the top of my head. Laura Thalassa and Carissa Broadbent, I know for sure. Um, but she created a Discord for PAs um and just other like author service providers that even if you're not a PA, but if you're involved in editing, publishing, if you're an author hoping for help and advice, there's a Discord for that. Um, and there are so many PAs in there that are always helpful in answering questions for people who will give templates out and say, hey, here's a template, customize it for graphics or whatever else. So we're all really trying to help each other all the time.
Jordan:Oh, I love that. And that's just like oh, I feel like this is like the one thing. It's like I love the book community and everything that is like encompassing the book community because I think and this is what I've always said about like Bookstagram. I don't know, I don't I'm not really like on TikTok, so like but books, I just love that the community aspect, and this is like my favorite corner of like the internet where all the internet rest of the internet is like a dumpster fire, but like this corner is great. I love this corner.
Erin:I agree. I I am so grateful to have found this corner of the internet, and I can't believe truly that this is my job now. I can't believe that books are my job or that working with authors is my job, and um this this corner of the internet really changed my life. So I'm incredibly grateful to be a part of it.
Jordan:I yeah, same like I'm not a PA, but like same just to be in like Bookstagram. Um, can I ask you when you started to be like a PA and then when you made it your full-time like job?
Erin:Yes, absolutely. So I uh I started out, I was still working at the hospital at the time. Um, and I started out with one client, and this person was just a friend of mine, and they just gave me an opportunity to try it out. Um, I was just like, you know, I feel like I could do this. Like, can I just try? And they let me try, and that's kind of where I started learning things and started just like gaining a bit of knowledge, and this was probably two and a half to three years ago. Um, I really think probably three years ago is more most accurate. So I started that journey three years ago. So took on one client, learned a lot, and then I started taking on new clients one by one. And at the time I did message people like, Hey, are you looking for a PA? Like, if they were it or if I already had one, then I was just like, you know, I am so sorry. I had no idea, like, no big deal. I'm never trying to poach someone else's clients, but this was the only way that I knew how to put myself out there at the time. So I ended up working with, I believe, my my first client, and then I no longer work with that person, but I'm incredibly grateful for the experience. And then um, I think my second client after that was AJ. Um, and AJ has been with me for for a long time and has seen me grow through a lot of things and just go through a lot of things, and I'm super grateful to her for sticking by me through all of that. Um, and then I think I found Alexia. I had not even read Alexia's books at the time, but I was obsessed with her aesthetic. I was obsessed with the message of like her marketing was just incredible. And I would I sat there and I I reached out to her and I was like, hey, I'm obsessed with your vibe. I'm gonna read your book, but if you ever consider having a PA, I would love to be considered for it. And she pulled me on, and Alexi and I have been as thick as thieves since. So I that's kind of how I got my start. From there, I went full-time only a year and a half ago. Um, so I spent a year and a half doing both, working at my hospital job and being a PA. And then for the last year and a half, I've been learning how to be full-time, just you know, doing PA work. I will say that for me, I'm incredibly lucky because my partner could provide for us without me working. So that did take a lot of weight off of my shoulders that may not um be something that other people can do. But and so I acknowledge that that is something that I may have that others don't have the luxury of knowing that things will be covered regardless. Um, but what I will say is that it did take me a year and a half to be able to go full-time and to make the same amount of money that I made at the hospital being a PA.
Jordan:Oh my gosh. But that is so cool because essentially you and I know too, like you had like I know you had your partner to be able to like pay, like you don't need you didn't need to work and you'd be you guys would be good. But like I think it's so cool because essentially you started this business and you made it thrive. And I think that is so proud. Whether like you could have not worked or not, I think still think that's something to be so proud of and like look at where you are now, and I think that's so cool.
Erin:Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I I'm incredibly grateful. Um, and I I think too, it does take time for you to realize what you're worth and to be able to charge that amount as you grow as a PA, being confident enough to like raise your prices with the times and raise your prices with your experience is really difficult for a lot of people. So I think there's so many factors that go into being able to be a full-time PA, but overall, I do think this is a job that a lot of people can do. And I'm not unique in that aspect. I am so grateful to be in the position that I'm in, but I encourage anyone who wants to do it to just go for it and do it. And I know that they can succeed at this.
Jordan:I feel like that honestly is like the perfect advice. And I was gonna ask you that question, but I think what you just said is literally perfect. So then I do want to ask, did you start your bookstagram page before you were a PA? Or was that something that came afterwards? Like what was the order of that?
Erin:Yeah, so I started my bookstagram page first. Um I was just hoping to find friends to talk to about books, and that was how I made the friend with my very first client, was just me being on Bookstagram. That was kind of like my transition point into realizing, oh my gosh, this is a job that I can do that could take the place of this other thing. And for me, that was huge and major because I worked as a respiratory therapist during the COVID crisis, and I was a travel respiratory therapist for FEMA, so I worked really like in the thick of it. Um, and it really did break me in a way that I felt was not fixable. I couldn't move past it, and I was having a really, really hard time ever showing up to work or doing anything healthcare related at that point. So that transition did change my life, and so I started um as a respiratory therapist, started my bookstagram, met the right person, got to learn some things, and then my career kind of went from there.
Jordan:My goodness. So it was almost like and I'm sure too, when you started your bookstagram, like you never thought you would be where you are right now.
Erin:No, zero. I had no idea. Even still, it's kind of crazy to think about. Um and you know, realistically for me, it's kind of like I do feel like a small fish in a really big pond. Um, but what makes me feel like a big fish is working with my clients. But nothing makes me feel like I'm making a difference or spreading like what I doing what I would like to do other than working with them and then talking about my mental health journey and my chronic illness journey because those things were life-changing. I had no clue that my bookstagram would do as well as it did. I never thought that talking about books could get me to this point or change my life, and somehow it has, and I'm so, so grateful for that.
Jordan:So being a PA, can I ask you what is the what is like your typical day being a PA? Like what would you say like for the most part is what you do in a one day?
Erin:Yeah, I can definitely tell you that. So for me personally, I know that this looks different for a lot of people, but it has taken me a year of learning sort of what works for me versus how other people might work. So bear in mind that other PAs will probably do something totally different. But for me, I start my workday at 1 p.m. Um, the reason why is because I stay up until three or four in the morning because I'm a very much so night person. So for me, this is what works at one. So I'll wake up before one. I just start my workday at one. Um when I start my workday, I almost always start by like sitting in my bed and I'll make sure that I've texted my clients what I might need for the day, or if there's any updates, if I sent them any emails they might want to review, anything like that. So I usually just double check that they saw it because I schedule texts to them for when they're awake at nine in the morning or whatever else. So I schedule text to them and they can look at it. And then by the time that I'm working at one, they should have had the chance to look at everything and then I can address it at one. Um, so that's kind of how I do it. Then around after I'm done um speaking to them about those things, I usually will sit in my bed and work on graphics. I'm one of those people who uses Canva on my phone and I hate it on desktop. So I will sit in bed and work on graphics. Um then I'll usually look at my emails, I will type up newsletters, I um will talk to my clients. A lot of my clients use different platforms to speak to me, so I'll check all those different places again. Um, I feel like a lot of this job sometimes is. Like putting out fires or answering questions, or just like being emotional support, right? Like something is difficult or whatever else, and they want to talk through it, or something along those lines. Um, so a lot of the times during the day, that is what I'm doing, is I'm like talking to them about a process that they want to implement, something that they think could work better, um any issues that might have come up, stuff like that. That this is also why I really like to work at night because then all of my clients are asleep and they can like let these things go. And then I don't have like the input during the during the evening to distract me. Because with my ADHD, if they're having a really hard time, all of my attention is gonna go there, and I'm not someone who can really multitask like that. So during the day, that's kind of my priority is making sure that they're okay, that we've talked through anything that they want to talk through, that I've facilitated any communications that need to be done, and then I go from there. Um, so I do a lot of graphics during the day. Right now, I'm doing a lot of content poll stuff. I'm working on implementing, I call it integrating data into my air table, and I'm doing that for seven books right now. So it's just taking me a lot of time to do that. Um, so that's kind of right now how it's going. I can hear sweet book. He really he just wants to make an appearance. Sorry, don't mind him. He's so cute. But um, that's kind of how how it goes for me. And then at night, that's when I start getting into those like data integration things. I'll make more graphics at night, I type up newsletters at night, um, all kind of stuff just to make sure I'm like not distracted.
Jordan:So then if you have to well, I don't know. Do you like also arc read for your clients? Because then like when do you fit that in there?
Erin:Yeah, so I alpha, beta, and arc all of my clients' books. Um, and I fit that in at night before I go to bed. Um, I guess it's technically in the morning before I go to bed, but a lot of the time I work that into like my schedule. So if I have a beta that I need to do, like right now, the beta for Raw by Kaylee King is like sitting on my computer, and I'm so excited about it. I'm extremely excited. So the way that I'm planning it right now is that I will spend XYZ amount of hours and I give myself a time frame, like okay, from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m., you're gonna integrate data. And then from two to four, you're gonna work on this beta. And I set alarms for myself. Like you can do this for this amount of hours, and you can do this for this amount of hours, and I kind of split it that way.
Jordan:Okay, so that's kind of like smart. So then that way you're not spending like the whole night doing one thing when you need to get like multiple things done. But then does that mean if you're like doing the beta alpha arc like reading for your clients, do you find that you have less time to pick maybe like the books that you want to read that aren't your clients? Not saying that you don't like those books, but if there's like other books you want to read, do you find that you're not really able to get to them or are you still able to?
Erin:Yeah, um, I am not able to read a lot of my TBR anymore. Um, but what I will say is that I've gotten really lucky that a lot of clients um that want content polls done have been people on my TBR. So it's kind of worked out. Um, but outside of those peeps, I don't read a lot of items that aren't by my clients. Um, I don't mind it at all because I love my clients' books, but no, I can't get to a lot of books on my TBR right now. Once I catch up on all of these content polls, now that my air table base is built, um, I will be able to read more. But even so, I can't read as many as I could have previously.
Jordan:And I feel like that's like very understandable. Like you want to give your like time and to your clients and which also kind of leads me into my next question. So then are you able to find because I know it's gotta be hard working like your own company and and this is like your job essentially, finding that like work-life balance. Do you try to stick and I know you start at one, but do you try to do you like not work on the weekends? Like, how do you find that work-life balance?
Erin:This is such a good question because I think it's a lot, it's an issue that a lot of PAs deal with. First of all, I'm gonna address this like in parts. So the first part is that I think there's a misconception about how much PAs work. Um, I probably work or am thinking about work like more than 80 hours a week. I spend so much of my time either thinking about it, putting it on a checklist of something I need to do, or working. So there is a lot of time that goes into this. The second portion of that is that if you don't set aside time for yourself, you will burn out. So you have to set some type of boundary that I'm done with work at this time, I'm not gonna answer anything about work at this time, etc. So the way that I do it is my clients know right now that I'm not working until one. So if you text me before that, you are more than welcome to text me before that. I'm not gonna answer any questions until one. Um, on weekends, I don't work unless it's an emergency. So, or unless it's a release month. Yeah. So if it's a release month, I try and make myself available because I know that some things can pop up. Some ideas can pop up about, you know, hey, let's do this. Like I have this idea, or let's do extra this week or whatever else. So I make myself more available during release months. But outside of that, I do not work at all on weekends. Um and then I I really try not to answer anything before one for for work stuff. Um, I also my my clients are huge on boundaries too. So that helps me. When I first started, um, I wasn't that big on boundaries. I was just like, I'll work whenever, however much. And I started burning out. Um, truly, my clients, Alexia and Greer, Greer is my boundaries queen. She is just like, I will not talk about work after 6 p.m. at all. And so um I don't that helps me when they have clear boundaries too, and it's helped me grow into realizing, okay, like if my clients want can take this time off and they're like writing these masterpieces and all of this, like maybe I can take some hours to myself too. So they've helped me realize that how important it is for me to get that time also.
Jordan:And I think it's really cool too that you were you are so like I'm not working the weekends too, because I feel like a lot of PAs, and and I don't know if that's maybe like newer PAs, but I feel like they work the weekends. And I I I feel like if you do that, you really don't get like a full day to yourself. Because I know too, you were saying you won't start at one, but that's still you're still working at one, so it's not like a full day for just you and whatever you want to do. And so I think that's really cool that you've set a set time that you're like, no, like this is me time. And I think you like you need that, you deserve that.
Erin:I try really hard with it. I do also think that it does depend on the PA if they have a job outside of being a PA, because they may work every day during the week and they can't do anything but work on weekends. So I do think it really depends on if this is their full-time job or if it's something they're trying to get into and they have to kind of like push themselves, for lack of better words, to work a little bit extra. Um, you know, circumstances are different for different people, but I think when you are full-time and depending on your client's needs or whatever else, then you can figure out what works best for you. For me, this is what works best because my husband is off on weekends. So I'm like, okay, if I can have weekends off to spend time with him and all of this, then this works out. And because I'm full-time, I work every day during the week. So it kind of evens out.
Jordan:Yeah, that that is a good point. I do want to make like the point of like if you're full-time and like you can if this is like your like full-time job, then it's like good to set boundaries. Because I do understand, like, if you if because I know too a lot of authors there have full-time jobs and like writing is like whenever they can fit it in. And so yeah, you do you are working like nights and weekends because you can't during the day. So that that's a good point. But for like full-times, yeah, you should have some time for yourself because like you deserve time for yourself.
Erin:Yeah, absolutely. And even even for those peeps who who aren't full-time, like they deserve to set those boundaries too. But it's just a matter of knowing where they can set them when you have a a I I guess for lack of better words, in real life job versus like a PA, like virtual assistant type job, because I think for me, I can really pick and choose and redo my setup if I want to, or whatever else. But for them, when they have a schedule they already have to stick to with their in-person job, then that becomes hard. And I know it was hard for me. Um, when I was working in the hospital, it was incredibly hard. So it's just a matter of learning the industry, and I think that's the biggest takeaway from it, too, is learning the industry and picking the right clients because the right clients will tell you to take the space for yourself. The people that you want to work with will tell you, hey, take a day for yourself. You have been working super hard, like I don't need anything, nothing is pressing. Like, just take the time, it's okay. And so I think that's a huge part of it too, is picking the right people to work with. And sometimes they will teach you that it's okay to have those moments. And at least for me, that was the case was that I was very lucky and I still am very lucky to have clients who tell me, like, you don't feel well, it's okay, like take the day off, or you've done so much this week, it's okay, just like take the next three days off, it's fine. So it's like you just gotta, it takes time to learn these things and to know that those kinds of clients are out there and to know that you deserve those things, even if you want this job so bad, burning yourself out isn't how you get this job. So it's like you've gotta, it's a it's a give and a take.
Jordan:Oh yeah. And I feel like too, like finding those good clients of like, hey, like you've been working so hard, you deserve a break. Cause I feel like not every client is gonna be like that, but you just need to find like the ones that are good for you and are like they have your back, like you have their back. And I think that's so important and so valuable within this like industry. I don't know if that's the right word, but I think and so just knowing too that like your clients are like that, I feel like is probably so I don't know what the word it I feel like I'm saying that this whole episode, but like it's so good to know that they have your backs.
Erin:It is, it's super reassuring, and it's just it means the world to me. And I think over time I've gotten I I've been very lucky to be able to be very picky about who I work with. Um, and because of that, I really do surround myself with people who understand me and how I work, and also who value me and what I offer. And in the long run, if you don't take care of your PAs and like give them the time off and give them the space that they might need to like reset, then it really ultimately affects them. It affects their business because then their PA can't get things done or whatever because they're overwhelmed or burned out, etc. So it benefits everyone involved to be sure to to give that that space for people to recharge.
Jordan:Oh, yeah. I mean, also too, if you're thinking about if you had a job where you're working for somebody, like you you get PTO, you get time off. And so you having your own company essentially, you need to have you need to be able to give yourself PTO because then it's like I I feel like too, like if you have a job and you have PTO, you go on a vacation, or you just take a week off to do nothing because that's what you want to do, and that can be your recharge time. So it's like, but starting your own company, you don't necessarily have PTO because you just started your own company, so it's like there's it's tough.
Erin:I mean, I know that there's people out there too who will set like allocated hours. Like, I'll work XYZ amount of hours in a week, and if I go over it, like just like any other job, you'll pay me overtime or whatever else. So there's I mean, realistically, being a PA, you set your own wage, you set your own hours. My contracts literally say no set work hours on them. Um just all of those things. So it's it's definitely like you deserve to have time off. You can set this up however you want.
Jordan:So I know you've mentioned it a couple times because I think it's so brave that you have talked about your mental health, and then I know too you've talked about your chronic illness, but like your mental health and stuff on social media. And I just kind of wanted to ask you however much or however little you want to like dive into both like your mental health and your chronic illness, if you can tell us a little bit about it.
Erin:Yeah, absolutely. So when I first started my book account was kind of a big turning point in my mental health journey. Um, from a very young age, I have struggled a lot with anxiety specifically, and I've always been incredibly type A. Um, but I'm also very sensitive to the point where it can sometimes be a detriment. Um so after my experience with COVID and all of those things, um, it kind of got worse. And that was actually when I started my Bookstagram account, it was shortly after I started working the COVID crisis. So reading was like an escape for me to try and get away from just like those thoughts and the PTSD and the replaying images in my head of kind of what I had witnessed and all of that. Um, so I started out my journey with being diagnosed. I I was originally diagnosed anxiety and depression when I was young. Then I got diagnosed borderline personality, um, which was not an accurate diagnosis. It was just a miss a misdiagnosis at the time. Um, this is a very common thing for women with ADHD. I'm gonna preface this right now. Um, so I was diagnosed with borderline first, um, after just like the standard depression anxiety when I was 15 to 16 years old. Um so I went and I started getting treated for borderline. Nothing ever really seemed to work. All it ever really seemed to do was sedate me, um, which was really tough. It was really tough. Then I got diagnosed bipolar. After that, I was told my borderline diagnosis was inaccurate, and I got diagnosed bipolar instead. Um, no one ever sent me for a psychological evaluation. This was just psychiatrists listening to me for five to ten minutes, not asking very many questions. And really, I advocated for myself at the time. I was the one who thought, okay, depression and anxiety isn't right. Maybe I have borderline. The moment I mentioned it, the doctor was like, huh, maybe you do, we'll just treat you for it. Same thing happened when I was like, okay, borderline doesn't actually seem accurate the more that I look into it, like maybe it's bipolar. And a different psychiatrist was did the exact same thing with me and just said, Oh, yeah, like maybe it's bipolar, we'll treat you for that. Um, I I never had a psychological evaluation. So for many years on my Bookstagram account, I did talk about, okay, I'm getting treated for XYZ thing. Like for a little bit, it might have worked. I'm, or I might have been struggling for a while. Um, it was just tough. Finally, my mom is a nurse, and my mom spent, I mean, probably days researching my symptoms, what I went through, all of my struggles, all of these things. And she finally was like, one, you need to ask for a psychological eval. Two, I think that you more than likely, of all things, have undiagnosed ADHD and potentially autism as well. So my next psychiatrist, I found a different one. My next psychiatrist. The crazy thing is, it was a nurse practitioner. I brought up these concerns and how I fit the profile. And she immediately turned me away and told me that because I wasn't bouncing my leg in the office, that there was no way that I had ADHD, and she wasn't gonna send me for a psychological evil for that. Um, which was really tough because I was like, that's not the profile that a lot of women fit for ADHD, and it was also just incredibly dismissive. Um then I found another psychiatrist, so it took me at least, I think it took me five psychiatrists to finally order a psychological eval. And I went in, I had a full psychological evaluation done for ADHD, and I recently just had a preliminary examination for autism as well. And um my psychological evaluation for ADHD showed combined type, like focused, inattentive ADHD, um, complicated by disordered sleep and depression and anxiety. So for the first time in my life, I got put on ADHD medication and my life has changed. I when I started taking ADHD meds, I literally talked to my husband and my mom about how oh, is this what normal people feel like? Is this what being normal feels like? I I don't know. I don't know what it feels like. Um the other meds that I had taken for years, I thought were just there's something wrong with me. Like there's these work for so many people. If I'm bipolar, this should work. Like, why won't anything work? And then I get put on ADHD meds and something finally works. Um so that's kind of where I'm at now. Uh, I'm getting treated for ADHD. I'm on Adderall. I have zero shame about it because this has changed my life. I can actually focus, do my work, I can be present in my relationship, I can spend time with my friends and family. I don't feel paralyzed by tasks all the time. I don't feel um sad all the time. As soon as I started on ADHD meds, I started out on Ritalin. It didn't work for me, but I know it works for a lot of people. Even still being on Ritalin, which wasn't ideal for me, my anxiety disappeared almost completely, which was the strangest feeling when it was what had consumed me all of my life. Um, so that's kind of like a snapshot into the journey of it all. A lot of trial and error, but finally starting to feel like I'm getting to where I would like to be.
Jordan:Oh my goodness. I just have to say, like, I am angry for you for all those people that either turned you away or were like took what you said, not a professional, but like, oh, I think I might have this, but like, oh, okay, Leah, let's try this. Like, instead of like actually doing maybe their job or even the one that like turned you away. I can't, I like honestly, it baffles me. And it's just, and then it's so I feel like frustrating for you. It you're not heard, you're not like listened to, you're no one's like trying to help you. And I feel like it can be very discouraging. And honestly, I'm so happy you finally found one that was like, you know what, like let's let's do this, and then to find finally just now you know, and I think that is so huge. Like you finally know, and now you can take like medication and you can feel good, which honestly you haven't been able to because no one would listen to you.
Erin:Right, exactly. And I feel for anyone, um, especially women who want and need help and are begging for help. And a lot of women who don't have a healthcare background, I'm very lucky that not only do I have a healthcare background, but so does my mom. So I know how to advocate and ask for help and to demand help when I need it. A lot of people don't know that they can do that. Um, a lot of people don't know, like if you don't want to work with someone, like if you don't want that psychiatrist, you don't have to stay with them. Like you can get rid of them, those sorts of things. So I'm I feel luckier than most that it took me this long to get it handled because I know for a lot of people it takes even longer. And um, it's really, it's really tough. And realistically, I wouldn't have gotten my ADHD diagnosis without my therapist either, because my therapist is the one, she was a certified, she certified an ADHD. I'm not sure what exactly that is because I don't know what therapist certifications are, but she is the one who initially brought up like, hey, let's sit down, let's take these preliminary tests for ADHD. I really think you fit the profile. And then my mom did all of that research for days on it, and that was how how I discovered that this was really what was wrong this whole time. Um, so having a therapist again is also a luxury I know that a lot of people can't have. So it's like I I'm very lucky to have this handled at this point, but yes, it took so much time and it was definitely frustrating. It really was, and it was hard.
Jordan:Yeah, and I and I do totally understand because it's not not everybody can like not everybody knows too, but like I know not everybody can get a therapist. Like I know too, like I lived out of state and I couldn't afford my therapist because the company I worked in was a different state, and everything in the state I lived in was out of network. So I I think I could have a therapist for like six months and then I just couldn't afford it. So like I've definitely been in that boat. So it's but even still too to know that like you, I'm like so happy that you were able to finally get where you are now, which is like very like like what you very uh reassuring that now you have like your diagnosis and now you can treat it. And I think that is very awesome. And I'm so glad you had your mom in your corner researching because and I think it's like different too, like, especially when it you're in it and it's you, like you don't you you're so close to it, you can't almost like step outside of it, and so to have these people in your corner again to be like, no, no, like this is what you need, like you need to do this, and and I know too, like, even like with doctors. Um, I'm so grateful for my best friend who's in the medical field because I remember telling her about how I like did not like my general doctor, and she's like, You don't need to see them, and I'm like, wait, what do you mean? Like, they're like my doctor, I have to, and she's like, No, like please leave and go see someone else. And I it like I wouldn't have known that I could do that without her telling me. So it's like one of those things that it's so it's so simple, but you wouldn't know if you didn't know.
Erin:Yeah, you really don't know. A lot of things on the medical side of stuff is kind of strangely kept under lock and key, or it's just general knowledge that other people share that they find out. So it's which is unfortunate, it should not be that way. Things should be 10 times more transparent. But absolutely everyone should know that if you don't like a provider that you're working with, if someone makes you uncomfortable, if you don't feel like they're doing a good enough job, if you just don't vibe with them, if you don't like the sound of their voice, if you don't like how they smell, anything like that, it doesn't matter. You can leave and walk away and see someone else at any time. You are paying them, they're not paying you. And if you don't like them, go see someone else. It's okay. And I promise you, they will not think twice about it. They won't, you're not hurting anyone's feelings. The only person you're hurting in the process is yourself by making yourself stick it out. So if you're ever debating, like, hey, I I don't like this, like maybe I should whatever, just do it, just leave and just see someone else. It's okay. A lot of people go through five therapists before they find one that they like, things like that. So it's it's just you can you can change anything about your healthcare journey if you want to. You can barring financial any kind of financial restraint, you know. But you can you can change anything that you want.
Jordan:I agree. And if anybody takes one piece from this episode, I hope it's that. I hope you take that that piece of advice and just know that you can change anything. And also, but again, too, like by financial means, I totally is like understand that that's like part of it, but please, like anything is like a do it.
Erin:Yes, and call your insurance and ask them give me a list of people in network near me who can help me because they will give that to you and they have to. And you can change and go see any of those people and find someone that you want. And if you have the financial means, you can also see anyone outside of that that you want.
Jordan:That is true too. That is true. Um so to get back to like opening up on social media, can I ask how it was for you the first time you posted about your like mental health on social media?
Erin:Absolutely. It was very scary because at the time, too, being diagnosed borderline, I think that was what I opened up with when I started um my mental health like Monday posts on Instagram. I think I started out talking about being borderline. And I think that part was especially scary for me because while a lot of mental health stuff does hold a stigma, I felt like borderline, and again, this is just my personal experience. I felt like borderline personality disorder had just such a negative stigma around it. So I was like, how will people view me? How will a lot of people unfollow me for knowing that this is what's going on? Um, you know, I it was it was very scary for me. But what I will say is that the outpouring of support that I received at the time like ended up far outweighing all of my worries. It I was genuinely shocked by how receptive people were and how supportive people were. Um, but it was definitely a hard support. Step to take. I did feel like it helped me. And I got a lot of messages from other people saying how it meant a lot to them to see other people speaking about this because my experience kind of resonated with their own. Um so for me it was definitely a scary thing that really ended up working out and made me really happy that I did end up speaking out about it.
Jordan:Okay, so it must have been so nice seeing the outpouring of love and support that people had for you in posting something so vulnerable.
Erin:It was. I mean, I it was shocking. It was very emotional for me. Um, because I it really was a vulnerable moment. So it was definitely shocking for me to see that that outpouring of love and just kindness and acceptance. Um, it it meant the world to me and it continues to mean the world to me. I don't post as much now as I did previously, um, just because I'm very busy with my clients and stuff. So making my own content is sometimes really hard when I'm making content for others all the time. Um, but still it resonates with me how much, like how much it has meant to have that support. And I know that if I post it again about it, like I feel like my community on Instagram has really shown that they would be supportive of it. So I'm really excited. I'm really excited to start talking about the chronic illness side of those things and how they have impacted my mental health and also the part that my chronic illness has played in somewhat struggling to figure out what was truly wrong.
Jordan:Well, did you want to talk a little bit of like what your chronic illness is, or are you like saving that for when you talk about it on your page?
Erin:No, I'd love to talk about it. Oh my god, yes. So my chronic illness is interstitial cystitis. Um, I have a severe form of interstitial cystitis, and it's essentially an autoimmune bladder disease. Um, and it's not very well understood at this point. There's not a lot of study that has gone into this, which unfortunately is not surprising as it mostly impacts women. Um, but what I will say, I am very excited to talk about this because I do feel like a lot of women do struggle with this. And the more that I read about interstitial cystitis, the more that I learn that this is a fairly common but very commonly missed diagnosis for women. Um so for me, it started out when I was 14 years old, and I began having recurring UTIs over and over and over again that we thought were UTIs because I had standard UTI symptoms, just like you know, you would expect from a UTI. Um, but the issue was that I got them over and over and over again, and I got treated with antibiotics over and over and over again. And it was one of those things where my mom, being a nurse, was very suspicious of this. She was like, There's no way that you should be having UTIs over and over. Like, there's no way that these things should continue to happen. Um, either this is some type of resistant bacteria that's not getting treated appropriately, which didn't seem the case after four UTIs. You know, they run a culture on this type of thing and try and figure out if you're resistant to antibiotics. By the time that it kind of got to that point, we started realizing that every single time I had UTI symptoms when they sent it for culture, rather than treating me with antibiotics right away, I actually never had an infection. I never once had any bacteria present in my urine at all. Um, I never had bacteria present on swabs vaginally at all. Um, I also I know that this is like very medical talk and does talk about some like intimate areas of stuff. So I apologize for that. But this is just kind of like the reality of the disease. And as a medical professional, it's very easy for me to talk about these things, but I also know that you know, hearing some of these terms can be difficult. So kind of like trigger warning on that. But for me personally, um, I I never had a vaginal swab or a urine culture come back with bacteria, even one time. So um, this is when we started realizing that something was was off. Um, and probably it took about a year to a year and a half of being on antibiotics over and over and over again, probably I would say once every two months was kind of where I was at, which is not acceptable. Um, to get to the point where my mom again started doing this research that she does where she's like, What is wrong? Like, why can no one figure this out? Um, I went to a urologist who essentially like threw me in the trash about this and declined to help me in any kind of way and told me that it was likely mental health related. Um, that it a lot of it was in my head, that a lot of it was exacerbated by my anxiety, and that if I if my anxiety was appropriately managed, then I likely wouldn't struggle with these symptoms. Um, which is insane, right?
Jordan:Actually insane.
Erin:It's crazy. Um I ended up in the hospital, and I do occasionally still end up in the hospital when I have extreme flare-ups of this illness. Um, and it mostly is a pain control issue. It's not so much a um, you know, something is super, super wrong. It's I can't get the pain under control. So the way that it manifests for a lot of women is that uh, and again, this is not medical advice. This is literally just my personal thing, and from what I've read, but the way that it I have read that it manifests for a lot of women is that you have recurring UTIs over and over and over, and that standard UTI treatment doesn't work to get rid of it. Um for me personally, it also manifests as severe joint pain. I get foggy headed, almost how people would describe when they contracted COVID and they had, they call it COVID brain. It's very similar to that in how you feel a bit slow um to process things, slow to be able to speak what you're trying to say, those types. Um, but for me, it's very much so a joint pain, bladder pain, and abdominal pain issue. Um so that is kind of a small amount of the chronic illness itself, but it's called interstitial cystitis. There's different levels of it, there's different ways to treat it.
Jordan:And that was like my next question. Is there a way to treat it to like either I don't, and again, like I don't know any of this stuff, so I'm sorry if it what I say comes across in any way, but is there a way to treat it to make it completely go away, or is that not possible, or is there a treat like a treatment that takes away the pain at least? Like, is there anything yeah?
Erin:So um that's very tricky. The issue is, first of all, like the the easiest way to answer your question is no, there's not a one-size-fits-all type of treatment for interstitial cystitis. There's also not a good understanding of even how this disease process works. The the baseline of what scientists are starting to understand about it is that it is caused by some type of trigger. So usually like a stressor in childhood, something along those lines. Um, for me, again, trigger warning here for uh child abuse, but for me personally, it was a trigger that is not sexually related, but was caused from being forced to run. I was forced to run outside at night. Um when I was 13 to 14 years old. Anytime I did anything wrong, one my father, my stepfather would make me run outside, and he would wake me up randomly at the middle in the middle of the night and make me run. So one time I was running, and this is what I have pinpointed with a physician, with a therapist. So this is corroborated information that isn't, I'm not just making this up. It's true that this is what caused my illness. One night I was running after not knowing like what I did wrong or anything, and I had been running for miles and miles outside, and um my father was following me in a car, like to make sure that I was actually running. And um I essentially told him that I had to pee, I had to go to the bathroom. Like, could I stop? Could I just go to the bathroom real quick inside? And he told me no. And he was like, you can keep running and you can essentially urinate on yourself while you run. So I that is what happened, and from that moment forward, I have struggled with with this illness. Um as far as I know that sounds terrible, and like for me, um, this is just my life. Like, this is just what happened to me, and I know that it's terrible and awful, but I want to provide some context as to what can cause this type of thing. Um, again, it's not the same for everyone. This is just what happened to me. From that point, again, I had the symptoms. It took me many years to find doctors who would who were first of all knowledgeable enough to treat this, and second of all, comfortable enough to treat this. Um, you have to see a Eurogynecologist, not just a regular one. Um, it's a specialty doctor and a specialty treatment. Um, and I started out on a drug called Almeron, and it is a very common drug for people who have interstitial cystitis. It's one of the few on the market that are consistently used for this disease. However, it has a label warning on it that it causes retinal deterioration and vision loss. Um, unfortunately for me, I was on it for about a year and a half. Honestly, it might have even been less time than that. And I have had significant vision loss since then. Um, I've had perfect vision all of my life. I came off of Elmiron after that year and a half, and I have had declining vision since then. Um so that is like one of the treatment options, but again, obviously not ideal. Now I see a different specialist because I moved states. I see a different specialist who immediately pulled me off Almiron years ago and was like, no, you're too young for this. Um unfortunately, the damage to my eyes was already done, but he's trying to help with that. And now it's more so a cocktail of random stuff. So I'm on like a very low dose anahhistamine, which helps. I'm on a very, very low dose random um antidepressant called ametryptalin. And it is odd, but it is used off label to treat um interstitial cestitis in this way. And um I'm also on a supplement called marshmallow root, and it does help. So there's a lot of things that do help. There's forums in places from people who have this disease process who talk about ways that you can mitigate the symptoms. And I've felt that those forums are actually 10 times more helpful than physicians have been. Um so while there's not a cure, there's ways to fix it, and there's also the possibility to go into remission. Um, we thought that for the last year that I had gone into remission, I hadn't had a flare-up of this illness in a year exactly. And then on October 8th, I randomly had a flare of it again, and it has been the worst flare of the illness that I have personally ever experienced. Um, so definitely devastating because we thought I was in remission and we had just talked about it, and then for it to flare up again was really disappointing. And um, the disease is actually incredibly debilitating, uh, especially when it's very hard to describe to people because they think, oh, it's just a UTI, you can just take azo type vibe. That is not the case, and um, it really drains all of your energy. It is incredibly painful, there's a lot of swelling of your abdomen, there's a lot of things. So it's hard, but I know that a lot of women experience these symptoms and they wonder why they get UTIs over and over and over again. If you have put so much effort into trying to figure this out and nothing seems to be working for you, it may be worth asking a physician to evaluate you for this.
Jordan:Oh my god, like yeah. Well, and first I just want to say like thank you for sharing that because I feel like that takes a lot too to share something. Also, with like how it came to be like that moment in time to share that. Like, I just want to say like thank you so much for sharing that. I am also so sorry that happened to you because that is and I know too this it's your life, like this is where you're at, but I'm still like so sorry, like that's awful. And I just I'm that that sucks.
Erin:I appreciate you saying that.
Jordan:Like it's still like I think sometimes like I feel like people a lot of the times just want to look at like the good side of things, but like sometimes things just suck, and you just need to acknowledge like what happened fucking sucks and it should not have happened, and but you are doing the best you can with what life brought you to right here. I but I also did want to ask so when you have a flare-up, are there things you can take or do that help with the pain at all, or do you just kind of have to like get through it?
Erin:Um, there are things that have a 50-50 chance of working. Um, just it it sounds strange, but I've found a cocktail of things. Like I said, this is this has been from 20 plus years of trial and error of me trying to figure out how to fix these symptoms. You know, I'm 25 and this onset was at 14. So it's 21 years of me having the time to figure this out. But for me personally, um, I can take a mix of azocystex and azo yeast, which is so random, but um somehow works. So I take a mix of the ASO standard. If you have a UTI, a lot of people know about this. You take Azo, and then Systex is an ASO alternative. So I take them both at the same time. Are you supposed to? No, this it this is not medical advice, this is just what works for me. Please don't do this. But um, yeah, so I take a mix of those three items, and then I'll also take an additional dose of my like marshmallow root supplements. Um, those things combined together, a lot of the time will work um to at least make the symptoms bearable enough for me to like go about my day like normal. Um if they don't work, which again sometimes they really don't. Uh antibiotics, even without an infection, sometimes work, um, which is really strange, but I think that they lower swelling amounts. So somehow it helps with the swelling, and the swelling being lower lowers the pain and makes it more bearable. Um if the antibiotics and the other don't work, it's literally just a waiting game, and you do kind of sit there stuck.
Jordan:Oh my goodness. And then how long could the flare-up be for or the symptoms of the the pain be there for?
Erin:So I think this probably varies person to person, especially with how misunderstood the disease is. But for me, prior to this, um this most recent flare-up. This most recent flare-up is probably the hardest one I've had. Um typically in the past, it doesn't last longer than five days. Um right now I am going on a month and a week. So I have had eight symptoms every single day for a month and one week. Um, which is like pretty hard. Uh what they're doing now when I've when I have encroached on a week of having symptoms, they put me on muscle relaxers to try and stop the spasming process of the bladder. So that's what we're doing now. Um I'm on like incredibly strong muscle relaxers, which has just been hard for my work. Um, but I I think for a lot of people, and what I've read is that it typically doesn't last longer than several days. Uh, this is just an anomaly, and we're not sure why it's happening. It feels when I spoke to my doctor about it last week, it he's kind of saying it's a rebound. So essentially I was basically in remission for a year, and because I had no symptoms, my body kind of like tripped out and is in like a major flaring position, and we're just trying to get it to stop. Um, what is understood about this disease is that like with other autoimmune diseases, that there's a histamine response. Um, for lack of better terms, it's kind of like when you have an infection or an allergic reaction. Histamine is like what plays a big role in that. And um, that's what's happening right now is I'm having some type of histamine reaction that we are struggling to get under control. So, but yeah, usually three to five days is probably more accurate.
Jordan:Oh my god, well, I also want to say thank you for still coming on here and doing this podcast with me and like recording this episode while you're experiencing this because I can't even imagine I can't even imagine the pain for three to five days, let alone a month and a half. Like that is it it boggles my mind. Like I again, like this is how you're so strong in the sense that you can still do these things because honestly, I I wouldn't be able to. I I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to because it's like like also to just like the mental aspect of it getting to you, like you I I hope. Yeah, like I I I on like I how how do you even go about that? Like how it's very hard.
Erin:Um a lot of it is trying to let go of guilt because I can't be a hundred percent when this is going on. I just can't. Um there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I'm just not gonna be at the level that I can be um if this wasn't happening. However, for me after 21 years of dealing with this, um with my chronic illness, I'm in pain every day. Just whether or not it's flare-up level is um kind of separate. So this is like flare-up level versus um my standard pain. So I think living with pain, as terrible as it sounds, living with pain, you learn how to make your life work around your pain. Um so I it's it's hard. I think that the mental aspect though is definitely the hardest. Yes, the pain is terrible, but the guilt that I feel of potentially letting my clients down or letting myself down and what I want to accomplish um outweighs a lot of my pain most of the time. And I think just being communicative with them and letting them know where I'm at, what I can realistically do. Um, if I forget things, if I'm behind on stuff, that it's not on purpose, that I'm sorry that I might let them down. I warn them beforehand as well. So uh this is the first time, like I said, in a year that it has been like this. And my clients have been so wonderful and so understanding of me going through this. Um, they've been a lot more patient with me than I have been, but it it's hard. The guilt is hard.
Jordan:Oh my, I can't and and to also be like kind on yourself, like that's gotta be just like you like to be like kind and to be like to give yourself a moment in time, like you deserve it, and like to be able to say that like hey, you are making it to this point in like that month and a half, and to just honestly be kind on yourself. And I feel like that's probably so hard to do, but here this is me saying to be kind on yourself because I know I would I would need that myself if I was going through something like that. Like, I can't, I honestly can't even imagine.
Erin:Yeah, I think surrounding yourself with the right people is the most important thing, even if you're not involved in a bookish business, right, or having those types of clients. Um, just surrounding yourself with people who are gracious and understanding of you is so important. And also what I have learned is that the people who don't respect your boundaries when you're sick are not people that you want around, um, or people who judge you for that, that you can't sh always show up or can't always be there. I I can't personally have those people around because as much as it is important to show up, I will show up in different ways if I can't be physically present for something. Um, so being able to set those boundaries and know that you deserve to have a village of people that will lift you up and not tear you down for something that you can't control is absolutely vital.
Jordan:Yeah, of a hundred percent. Like you need those people in your corner, like fighting alongside you, or else like they they don't deserve to be in your they don't deserve to be there. Like you and so, but I again I just want to say thank you so much for like taking the time and telling me your like story. I very much appreciate that. But I did want to ask you one question before we like end the podcast or the episode, and kind of just going off like something maybe um back to like the book world. Um, but what is like your favorite book, a book that you would always recommend to anyone and everyone?
Erin:I have two. That's not true. I have three.
Jordan:Oh, give them all to me. Okay, well, and the listeners.
Erin:It depends on what you like, right? Yes, there are three that just like live in my head rent-free all the time. Um, so we'll just we'll just go in. There's this is no particular order, but we'll just go. So my first one is the Underworld University series by Bex Devo. Um, it is a like gothic fantasy romance that takes place in hell um after the female main character passes away. So you watch her from when she's alive is the intro to her getting killed, to her uh being in underworld university in hell. Um, it is a why choose romance, and it is spicy. It has incredible representation of not only mental health, but it also has 2S LGBTQIA plus representation and a non-binary main character. And um the plot line is fantastic. The spice is fantastic, it's more character-focused than plot-driven. Um, so very like relationship-centric. There are two books out right now. I am doing the content polls for those two books, and then Bex will be able to write the third one. Um, so that's kind of like my first recommendation, and I don't know how this book isn't more popular. It's seriously one of my favorite books of all time and truly incredible. The next one is Light as a Feather by Alexia Onyx. It is a paranormal dark romance book, and all of Alexia's books are very mental health-centric and are very spicy. And the first two come out, come out, and warmer colder are ghost, paranormal, dark romances. A lot of the plot line takes place either with a ghost already present or after both characters become ghosts. Um, but the third book, Light as a Feather, they don't have to be read in order, they're interconnected standalones. Um, the third book, Light as a Feather, has an autistic female main character. And also all of Alexia's books feature plus-sized main characters. Um this one is a stalker MMC who kidnaps her after she tries to run away because she has a possessive and evil spirit attachment. And this spirit attachment wants the female main character all to himself. And the MMC of this book is a psychic medium and a ghost hunter. He helps like free people of spirit attachments. It is a second-chance romance, childhood friends to lovers, and um, it's very dark, it's beautiful. The um autism rep from the FMC is stunning. I mean, it's beautifully done, and just in small ways. I also love how in Alexia's books, having any type of mental illness, having any type of different body shape, anything like that is never like something that the characters have to overcome or whatever. It's just a part of who they are and their love interests love them regardless. They don't try and fix them, they fix themselves to make sure that they're good partners to them. So light as a feather and all of Alexia's books are phenomenal, but light as a feather has a very special place in my heart. Um, and then the last one that I will mention is Phantom by Groot Rivers. Um, this is a Phantom of the Opera retelling with a stalker MMC. It has, again, I'm a very big mental health rep person, so it has mental health rep from the FMC with bipolar disorder. Um, it's a mafia romance situation, and it takes place in New Orleans. It is super, super good, and it's a great intro for people looking to get into dark romance, but they don't want to dive off the deep end with something like haunting Adeline right out the gates. Phantom is a great intro to dark romance with a very possessive and obsessive stalker. MMC, who's also masked. We love masked men around here. So yeah, all of these, all of these books are my favorites, and I would recommend them to anyone. Um, of course, I have other favorites too. All of my clients' books are my favorites, but these are just three that I can give. It's hard for me to just pick one, so I'm just trying to pick at least a few.
Jordan:No, I'm I'm glad you did because I I was gonna say Phantoms on my TBR, but the other two I have not heard of before. So like now I need to like go look them up because they both sound so stinking good.
Erin:10 out of 10 recommend. Alexia's books are phenomenal, Greer's books are phenomenal, and the legacy series to Phantom book one is out with Unveil. Um, so they're they're wonderful. They they really are. And you the Underworld University that I talked about is one of those ones where if you enjoyed The Poisoner by Ivy Ophelia, if you enjoy any kind of dark gothic romance, if you liked Nocticadia, if you liked the vibes of it, you would like Underworld University. And I really think more people need to hear about it.
Jordan:Oh, okay. I'm here for it. I did, I did really like The Poisoner. I um I tried Nocticadia and I wanted to like it so much, but something about I just the the virus coming out of her like mom's mouth, I like couldn't do. I was like, no, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I was like, I just I couldn't do it. It just made me think of The Last of Us, which just gave me the heapie cheebies and I like couldn't do it, but I want to read it so badly because every like student professor is like my favorite trope. And so I'm like, how do I get past this? And I tried to like message people like, does this like reoccur a lot? And they were like, Yeah, it kind of does. So I'm like, okay, well, then I am I like never reading it, like I don't know.
Erin:Aspects, I disagree. I mean, yes, the premise of the virus is obviously like the underlying plot line of Nocticadia, but the imagery of the of what you're describing in the scene, that doesn't take place too too much, in my opinion, throughout the rest of Nocticadia. I think it was more so a um, you know, describing how the virus works from a plot line device level to describe it in that way so people understand the severity of it, but I don't think that that descriptiveness necessarily takes place throughout the rest of Nocticadia. Um does it come up a couple more times, potentially, I can't remember right now, but it's not something where a lot of the scenes take place around it and you're forced to be around it the whole time. It's that's not that's not the I think you could get I think you could get into it.
Jordan:And maybe give it another shot and then like maybe that one spin spin scene, I'll just like skip through it.
Erin:Like yeah, just yeah, just skip skip through it. I will say light as a feather does have some horror aspects to it.
Jordan:If I I think it like I love horror, it's just that one thing with the virus like coming out of their mouth and like the description of that happening that I was like, no, I can't do this.
Erin:And like yeah, no, I don't like anything that comes out. No, I get you on that front, but I I really think that if you get past that scene in Octocatia, like you'll be okay. I really think so. And even still, if you can't get through it, Master of Salt and Bones by Carrie Lake is also a comparable option.
Jordan:So I love that book.
Erin:Okay.
Jordan:Uh oh, perfect. Um, I did want to give you the floor if you wanted to like plug yourself in any way. I know too, you're not accepting any new clients. So authors listening, like maybe later.
Erin:Maybe later. I'll probably open up content poll submissions later. Really, it's book database, but maybe later. But no, I um I'm super grateful that you had me on. Um, as far as plugging myself, that's very hard to do. My handle is Sinful Shelves Everywhere. Goodreads, TikTok, Facebook, um, Instagram, obviously, all of the places. But really, um, Jordan, I'm just very, very grateful that you had me on. And I think that if anyone needs to plug themselves, it's you. But thank you so much for having me. And um, thank you for the opportunity and the space to be vulnerable and the trust. So I really appreciate that.
Jordan:Oh my gosh. No, like thank you so much for coming on and for being so open and so vulnerable, like with me and on this like episode and podcast. Like, I am so grateful and just like so lucky that you were like open to doing this. So, like, I am so grateful and like thank you so much, and I would love to have you back anytime. And if you want to like talk more about all of this, like I would love to do that.
Erin:And absolutely anytime you want me here, I'll be here.
Jordan:Oh, perfect, awesome. I love that, and thank you so much.
Erin:Yeah, thank you.